Infidelity

Infidelity can severely harm or even end a once healthy relationship. As each couple’s history, long-term expectations, and what they need from their partner varies, so does the definition of infidelity. The information below is meant to assist you in determining if infidelity help is the right path for your relationship.

  • Shanti: inner peace

  • Bhāvanā: mental insight

  • Karuṇā: guided healing

What Counts As Infidelity?

Infidelity can take many forms and is a very couple specific experience. There are sexual, emotional, and even object affairs, and what qualifies as infidelity depends on the faithful spouse’s interpretation. Interpretation is a key aspect of healing after infidelity, empathetically acknowledging how both you and your partner’s roles lead your relationship to its current standing. The harmed spouse can be quick to jump to a complete disregard for what led their partner to cheat, but to rebuild, recover, and stabilize a relationship, each perspective needs to be understood.

Sexual affairs are the most widely known, but emotional affairs can be just as damaging, if not more, to the stability and trust within a relationship. Emotional affairs occur when one partner seeks out the bonding intimacy from another partner that is meant to be obtained, and at the expense of, the faithful partner. This can occur online, in-person, at work, and even become a subconscious interaction with another individual outside of the relationship. There is often a reoccurrence of this deceptive behavior, in which a partner repeatedly seeks outside support (sexually, emotionally, etc.). This situation involves a more complex digging into the roots of the reasons behind such a long-term commitment to infidelity.

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“We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away” (Zhuangzi)

What Can Be Done to Fix Infidelity?

A deciding factor in whether a relationship can recover is whether both partners want this healing outcome. It also depends heavily on each partner’s ability to empathize, listen, and start the journey towards a more balanced fulfillment of each other’s needs on every level. With that said, yes it is possible to find your way back to a healthy, loving relationship.

Remember, these are mere possibilities and can be interconnected or not involved at all.

  • Low self-esteem/confidence
  • Viewed as an out from a relationship
  • Poor conflict resolution
  • Lifestyle changes/transitionary periods

This list is not the end all be all and feelings stemming from infidelity can take many forms.

  • Faithful partner: Anxiety, depression, self-harm, grief, misplaced blame, anger, PTSD, changes in lifestyle (substance abuse, unsafe sexual practices, eating disorders, poor work performance)
  • Unfaithful partner: Anxiety, depression, grief, shame, guilt
Healing is a complicated journey, not an impossible one. Opening your heart and mind to your own well-being will enlighten your path and reveal your destination.
Our aim in assisting you both in your journey towards a healthier relationship and healing from infidelity is to find the roots of what caused these actions to occur. To do so, we need to delve into each individual as such, before the couple can be seen within the proper context necessary for effective healing. We also want to help you decide as a couple whether or not this is what you both want, which may seem simple in theory, but can unearth many more foundational issues (i.e. children, finances, etc.). As with all our therapeutic options, our main goal is to guide you along a journey towards a healthier life and relationship. We explore with you and use this knowledge to determine the best course of action, ensuring you both receive what you need from treatment.

Our Therapeutic Approaches

Holistic & Transpersonal

To delve into your relationship conflicts effectively, a holistic and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is helpful. EFT looks at the whole context, each partner’s needs, unmet and otherwise, their attachment styles, and contextual factors, using this transpersonal information to address the infidelity as unhealthy patterns of behavior, defense, and bonding originating from somewhere. The term holistic also applies to you as part of a relationship unit. Your actions and behavioral decisions directly affect those of your partner and vice versa. By recognizing you and your partner’s established roles in this integrative behavioral therapy, it becomes easier to determine which unhealthy ones led to the infidelity in the first place.

‘You’-centric & Relational

Our insight-oriented approach allows your own interactions, as individuals, and as a couple, to guide your treatment path. Your therapist will use the information they’re given from your communicative style, the infidelity context, and current symptoms to determine the most productive path towards healing. Every approach is different, but sometimes a more structured and tangible therapy is required. Utilizing the Gottman Method, in which the core aspects of affection and mutual respect are promoted, helps guide you and your partner through small steps and goals.

Mindfulness

By remaining in the present moment and acknowledging the infidelity as existing outside of yourselves, a narrative can be brought forth. By separating the issue as something that happened, not as who you are and what your relationship is, this narrative allows you to recognize each other’s perspectives and needs. Empathizing with the source of your partner’s problematic behavior, and they with yours will only serve to make your healing journey more open.

Your Counseling Experience

Each therapeutic experience is different, and each session can unlock helpful and new paths to explore in the healing process. The below are just to give you a general idea, hopefully instilling a bit of confidence and easing of any worry associated with seeking treatment.

  • 60-minute sessions generally, once a week
  • Short-term work can last between 3-6 months or whenever you feel you’ve reached the version of your relationship you were seeking
  • Long-term work also lasts as long as you both need

How We Choose Your Therapist

  • What you need to reach mental well-being together
  • Your personalities and energies
  • Your communication styles
  • Our therapist’s specialties, training, interests, and own lived experiences
  • Our therapist’s approach and communication style

In the Meantime

Extensive research has found that these simplistic and mindful lifestyle changes have a drastic effect on daily life. Give them a shot if you need some peace.

  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Reiki
  • Experiencing nature
  • Conscious, deep breathing
  • Maintain an active lifestyle
  • Healthy diet

FAQs About Infidelity

This question can only be answered by you two. Is there a desire to rebuild, recover, and find healthier coping mechanisms? Generally speaking, do you both want this…and want it for the right reasons? This is something we can help you figure out, but the initial decision needs to be a desire to stay together. From that base, yes, it is worth it to seek assistance.
Unfortunately, repeated infidelity is very common. However, it can be addressed just as effectively as a one-time occurrence. The roots of infidelity generally do not alter very much, and therefore, make addressing repeat occurrences a common and manageable aspect of infidelity healing.
Cheating is determined by you and your partner. If you feel as though you were deceived and your partner was receiving emotional support, meant to be coming from within your relationship, from someone else, or multiple people, then yes, that is a form of infidelity many people experience.
Anger is a normal reaction to infidelity, both within the faithful and unfaithful partners. It stems from a feeling of betrayal, broken trust, grief for what once was and what was supposed to be, and so many other emotions mixed together. Anger is absolutely something infidelity healing treatment can assist you in dealing with.
There are many symptoms of infidelity that both the faithful and unfaithful partner experience. These can even be as seemingly out there as the beginning stages of an eating disorder. Part of our healing approach is seeing you as not just a couple, but as individuals within the unit as well. If need be, and you agree, we can provide individual counseling within the wider framework of your infidelity treatment to assist you in healing yourself, and your relationship.